Let’s take off the brake

I like to record voice memos in the morning. Like journaling - without the writing.

But I get annoyed by how choppy and hesitant I can sound. Like, I have to figure this out before I can say it. There’s no one around – no one will listen to it… I feel like the words should just roll off my tongue. But when I press record, the shut-down begins. Not completely – but things are definitely going back into suitcases.

This morning – 6am, post-meditation and super loose – I tried something different.

I recorded a voice memo and spoke stream-of-consciousness for five minutes straight. No stopping. Just speaking.

Now, I’ve done this kind of thing with writing before; I write non-stop for 45 minutes. But never with speaking. My speaking exercises have been more in line with “Think – Edit – Speak” where you process the hell out of your words and polish them up for a clean delivery.

But I want to be less of an editor and express myself naturally, like how I imagine a dancer or painter can, where their expression just comes out.

So, here’s what happened: I said things before I was aware of thinking them. I let it all come out.

The result was startling, funny, raw, and real. Memories came back, names of old places where I worked, colleagues and characters. I was back working at my first job in NYC - Gotham Book Mart in the Diamond District, without computers and in over my head, relying on Chip, the 50-ish manager/surfer from the Rockaways who knew every book in the store. I was at the Midtown temp agency, doing my typing test, and qualifying as a “my gal Friday” the lowest earning temp bracket.

And… most surprisingly, I got to see the Editorial Board in my brain. There are five editors and they sit at a long table. They wear suits and have papers in front of them and glasses of water. They decide what gets said and what doesn’t.

I LOVE the image of my Editorial Board. And it came to me today. Thank you.

So, here’s to loosening things up, letting the mess hang out, and not taking it all too seriously.

Photo by Matt Botsford on Unsplash