Notes on uncomfortable actions

BAM! Just the idea of speaking in front of an audience kicks off a chain of reactions:

• My arms feel heavy and useless – they’re at a loss for what to do. 

• My body is gone. Where did I go?

• I find myself – I’m entirely in my throat.

• I am speaking but not breathing – then breathing but not speaking.

Now, let’s look at what we know:

Nerves

The issue here is trapped energy. To release it – and distract myself – I’ll jump up and down, and throw some forward punches à la Karate Kid… Or I’ll listen to some pop-y music, do some squats or dance. The goal is to come back into your body. Some people suggest imagining a friend standing in front of you (instead of an audience or a camera) but for whatever reason, I don't like this; it feels exhausting and annoying.

Breathing

Caroline Goyder, who is the master of all things VOICE and BREATHING – says to keep your sentences short and build in pauses. Breath in when you pause and breath out while you speak. This beyond me to do. And I’ve made a note to myself to learn how to speak and breath at the same time.

Moving around

You know you should move around while you speak but it feels like you’re a robot in need of lubricant. The best way to move naturally is to start unnaturally. Move badly, ridiculously. And eventually you’ll get better.

Here on this perch over the Hudson River, I'm starting to walk slowly, the way they do in Ted Talks. I’m taking slow steps and contemplating things before I look back to the river and the Palisades and a single light that’s shining through the fog.

You can't see my face, but I'm excited.

Photo by Jordane Mathieu on Unsplash