Brave Speaking Rule #5

Believe that self-compassion will make you better 

Last year I was hired to teach a confidence and public speaking class to a group of 20 employees over Zoom. After the initial thrill, I set up shop in my 18 shades of panic.

I should probably be specific here. These shades of panic looked like: terror, ambivalence, sleeplessness, impatience, imposter syndrome, exhaustion, self-loathing, victimhood and resignation. (I am HIGHLY dramatic when I panic). I can run through a whole slew of options at a rapid pace with the underlying plea being: RESCUE ME FROM THIS!

“THIS,” of course, is the situation that I asked for and agreed to.

It’s also a familiar tableau for me: I get a lot of lemons with my lemon-aid.

But this time, something was different.

This was the first time I did NOT say this to myself: “You should be able to do this!” I also didn’t say: “What’s wrong with you?” Every other time I’ve felt up against the wall and fighting my panic demons, I’ve taken on the voice of those demons. “You should be able to do this… Why is this so hard for you?” I’m more like the soviet-era, gymnastic coach stereotype: “No! Not like that! Again!” This time I said to myself what a good coach says:

“This is how long it takes to do this. This work will make it really good.”

Score a major point for self-compassion.

When I work with clients, I share my own performance anxiety and how I’ve managed to get a handle on it. I ask them to imagine being just one stop on their audience’s journey. Like passengers on a train, the audience arrives stiff and dusty at your station and you get to welcome them, refresh them, and introduce them to your universe.

It’s a straightforward task – a simple, kind and humane service. Show your audience the fresh air of your perspective and presence, and then send them along to the next stop on their journey.

All we have to do is meet the train.

Photo by Michelle Cassar on Unsplash